Hometown glory.

I set aside the next hour and a half to study, but I've been lacking inspiration for the past two days and of course I found it at 8 this morning, so here we go. 

Friendships are the sweetest part of my life.  I find the MOST joy in sitting in the presence of people I love.  I like to talk and encourage them, but more than anything I love simply sitting with them.  I speak my loudest words through silence and facial expressions.  As much as I love and cling to words I find peace in the silent conversation going on between myself and the people around me.  

It is no secret that I am LOUD, LOUD, LOUD.  I can't tell you how many times a day someone tells me to stop yelling at them.  (My parents actually thought I had a hearing problem when I was little because I talked so loud…)  Sometimes people think I am in a bad mood or frustrated when I'm not talking, but really I'm enjoying the sitting back and listening.  

I AM RICH IN GOOD FRIENDS.  I have the 4 most beautiful, free spirited hometown best friends that I talk to all the time.  These girls KNOW ME.  They understand my silence and my loud, excited, high pitched squeals.  The 5 of us ALL got together for the first time since Christmas last Friday and we had to leave the restaurant we were being so loud.  One of us would walk in the door and we would all stand up and greet each other with the sweet hugs and big smiles.  It felt like we were in a movie, five best friends reuniting, all trying to talk over each other, trying to tell this story and that story.  I'm pretty sure at one point we had to start taking turns talking.  All 4 of these sweet girls plan on being teachers and I do not so you can imagine how often I have to sit back and just listen to what they have to say.  We moved to a table outside of the restaurant so we could talk louder and make all the inappropriate jokes we wanted to without being judged by the highly annoyed waitresses… For a good 30 minutes I sat back and let the 4 of them talk out student teaching stories, this kid did that stories and all that other teacher stuff I know NOTHING about.  

I was looking off into the distance, letting them talk talk talk, while I took in the fact that I was at my favorite hole in the wall mexican food restaurant with my favorite people.   I was also taking in the fact that things were about to really change for all of us.  College has been easy, we have not lost an ounce of contact-- we talk ALL THE TIME.  But real life is HERE. 

Life is so cool in the way it is so consistent yet changing ALL the time.  There are aspects of my life that alter, but ultimately stay the exact same and these girls are part of that consistency.  It has always been known that every Thanksgiving, Christmas and at least a week or two out of the summer we would all be able to sit down and catch up face-to-face.  A piece of that consistency will be changing in the next few months and that is just as sad as it is exciting.  Since we were in high school we've all been working towards some kind of dream and now those dreams are being made into a reality and to that I say, "CHAMPAIGN ALL AROUND!!"  But man it's a little sad at the same time.  

I think my favorite and least favorite part about life is the change.  I am huge on tradition and even bigger on things ALWAYS STAYING THE SAME, but at the same time I love uncertainty and all the adventure that comes along with that.  I am constantly reminding myself to live in the now rather than in the tomorrow, I just get so excited about the next chapter of my life and I want to know what's next!  I find joy in knowing that I am taken care of, all the days of my life are ordained and I have full faith that those days are filled with a whole bunch of dancing, good music, good food, lovely people, adventure, love and peace.  

There will always ALWAYS be something special about driving through Mansfield with my 4 best friends and country music blaring.  There is laughter and love and squeals and smiles and tears and love and hurt and uncertainty and beauty and everything lying in the hearts of each of us and together we can sit in silence and just know.  That is special and something I will always cherish. 

This morning I am especially thankful for Natasa, Summer, Whitney and Lindsey.  

THEN

NOW

THEN

NOW

THEN

NOW

THEN

NOW

THESE ARE MY PEOPLE! 

Wait no more, the hurts & happy's, people, Bill Keys, and too much more.

If only I could gather all my thoughts into a few coherent sentences and call it a day, but that would be way too easy.  I've got too much on my mind today.  Way too much!  

One of the coolest things about waking up in the morning is knowing that the day in front of me has the potential to be the best day of my life.  The human race is sitting around waiting for things, people, occasions, experiences and so much more to come along before they allow themselves to really start living.  We are constantly in a time of waiting; waiting for things to get better, waiting for the right person to come along, waiting to be happy again, waiting, waiting, waiting.  NO MORE I TELL YOU.  I think I owe it to Ecclesiastes for giving me this fresh out look on my life, but really life is too short to not enjoy EVERY LITTLE THING that it has to offer.  (GO READ ECCLESIASTES, IT'S MY FAVORITE BOOK!)  

I want to experience every emotion, challenge, trial, struggle, joy, laugh, stressful situation, windy day, hug, squeeze, touch, breath, step with everything that it has to offer.  I want to fully take in the hurts and happy's of life.  Do not allow yourself to sit around waiting for whatever it is you are waiting for, you are RIGHT HERE for a reason.  Enjoy all the reasons why you're in this season of your life; wether it be a hurt, a happy or somewhere in between it's something to celebrate.  Everything happening right this instant is preparing you for tomorrow and the day after that and so on.  WAIT NO LONGER.  Get out there people, go enjoy your entirely too short life before you can't any longer.  

I've had a few "best days of my life" over the last week.  Oh and that's the other thing, don't think that you can only have one best day of your life.  That's a myth.  Everyday has it in it to provide you with endless smiles, laughs and other warm and fuzzies that make your heart beat fast.  

The day started with sleeping in past 11 AM and I almost cried when I woke up I was so happy.  A short drive to Austin, a walk around Zilker Park, a pretty skyline, pointing and laughing down 6th street, a visit to my favorite store in all the land, fruity snow cones that could change your life, getting stuck in traffic on Congress at 5:30 PM on a Monday afternoon, frisbee on the lawn of the Capitol, melt in your mouth brisket tacos, celebrity sitings, banana splits at the Driskill and a run in with Bill Keys while in the company of my favorite people.  

Over the course of the last 2 weeks I have been asked by 5 different people what I am passionate about and my answer is always people.  I am obsessed with the fact that the Lord of the Universe has perfectly ordained every single step of every single person on the planet.  I want to know ALL about those steps; their experiences, their obstacles, their loves, their fears, and all those other things I said that we needed in order to experience life to its fullest.  I want to know what people believe in, what makes them upset and what makes them who they are.  Something I've been learning recently is how totally different everyone is.  Of course people have similarities, but the things that make us who we are, are so incredibly different.  Our dreams, hopes, fears and all that other stuff are unlike anyone else's.  

Bill Keys.  We were headed to the Driskill Hotel for one of those famous banana splits I've heard people rave about when we saw this precious man setting up a table on the corner of 6th & Congress.  He had a little type writer and a sign that said, "poems about anyone or anything."   Over the course of him writing 5 poems for us we got to talking to this sweet man.  While we were waiting he let us read some of his work.  I love reading other people's words; this gives me the insight I crave to know about people so I was flipping through those pages, taking pictures of the ones I liked the best and cheesing too big.  Now I'm not sure if YOU consider mountains something you can be passionate about, but right behind people, mountains are what get my heart beating fast.  I decided that I wanted my poem to be about Mr. Bill Keys perspective on mountains.  I know why they make me joyful, but I wanted to know his views on them.  I'll share my favorite line of the poem, 

The way life creates itself

Uninfluenced by thinking brains

Nature huge and uninhibited

For miles and miles

I got to hear some of Bill's story and as we walked away we got to tell him how encouraged and inspired we were by him.  

Things like this are why I am so passionate about people.  

There are people to encounter and stories to hear and you will not fully take in these little treasures if you are stuck waiting.  You've got people to inspire and dreams to follow.  If you are going to wait, enjoy and embrace the waiting.  But don't allow it to consume you.  You've got too much going for you to allow the uncertainties to take up time in your short life. 

So, finish this day off knowing that it has the potential to be the best day of your life.  You don't need whatever it is that you're waiting for to make today the best.  It's up to you and you alone.  This is your life and you shouldn't let anyone but yourself dictate your state of mind.  

Ok, Heather.  It's time to get off of the soapbox.  

(You know I've never really understood that term. I think I'll go urban dictionary it.)  

That pretty skyline I was talking about.  

Mango, orange & margatitaaaaa snow cones FTW. 

One might think this was posed, but it wasn't.  Sweet Emma is the cutest.  

Uhm, okay beautiful day.  Thank you Capitol lawn for welcoming us with your cold green grass and perfect trees.  We approve ATX, we approve. 

THE Joseph Gordon- Levitt is standing about 40 feet from us in this picture.  Yes, we screamed. 

The man himself, Bill Keys. 

Yeah, it was worth $10.  

Shuffle

Because my alarm went off at 5:30 this morning.  Because I have spent 11 hours in the library this week and it's only Tuesday.  Because I have 4 tests in the next two days.  Because I am stressed out and a tear or two may have fallen in my last class because I have so much to do.  Because I gave myself an hour to get my last chapter worth of note cards written and I have two hours to do it.

Music.  I believe that you can learn the most from a person by the music they listen to.  I love music.  Sometimes I listen to songs that will make me sad on purpose and sometimes I am on the verge of blowing my speakers because the song is not given justice if it isn't turned up as loud as it can go.  There are songs out there that have completely changed my outlook on things, people and situations.  MUSIC CAN CHANGE LIVES, I believe that.

No matter how many times I may have heard a song every single time it comes on the radio or my ipod it takes me to a specific memory.  Songs take me back to places.  When I listen to them I can close my eyes and convince myself I am reliving the moment that the song reminds me of.  So what I decided I was going to do was put my ipod on shuffle and write down the memory I have that is affiliated with that song.  This post is more for me than it is for anyone else, but I hope you enjoy.

So here we go. Pushing shuffle… NOW!

1. Sit Still- Brightwood: HOLY CRAP THIS WOULD BE THE FIRST SONG TO COME ON SHUFFLE!!  Summer 2008.  Working at Bistros with Devan.  My little blue phone that I put in the oven.  Open sun roof.  Freedom.  Leather seats.  Hurt.  Most of all I remember SCREAMING this song out the window of my first car in the parking lot of Kholes with Devan when we were shopping for work clothes.  This song y'all… This song!

2. Airplanes- B.o.B & Haley Williams:  Driving down Cannon with Brooke & Kathryn!  We were heading off on one of our many STUCO adventures, probably to get Starbucks or something.  Senior year y'all.

3. Song of Hope- Robbie Seay Band: Mel Baggett.  Jon Baggett.  Glen Lake.  Happiness.  The Chapel.  Summer.  Jami & Shelby.  Trey.  Chris.  Sadness.  A djembe.

4.  Happiness- The Fray: I have two very distinct memories of this song.  1) Summer 2009 at the Fray concert.  They played this song and I ugly cried.  IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.  2) Freshman year of college.  I was in the back seat of Brandon Clark's car with Ariel in the front seat.  We were on our way to Walmart to buy steak for family dinner.

5. Undressing the Words- The Maine: The Gristmill in Gruene, TX.  Ice Cream.  Loosing my appetite. LOTS OF SMILING.

6. Fall for You- Secondhand Serenade: TEARS.  California.  Spring Break of 2008.  Sitting on a plane and crying.  This song has no good memories… NEXT!

7. White Houses- Vanessa Carlton:  I was hoping this one would come on!  Devan, Jamie, Chelsea and Paige!  Sitting in the parking lot at Mansfield playing never have I ever.  We then put my mascot costume on and drove around the parking lot with the Tiger's head sticking out of the sunroof with this song BLASTING.  Innocents and too much fun.  This song will ALWAYS remind me of the 5 of us.

8. Boston- Augustana: Jarrod Snyder & Kaitlynn Boyd!  Trantham's yellow truck.  Man, that old yellow truck.  Andrew.  Getting rocks thrown at my window.  Frisbee.  Being carried home.  Hope!  April 12, 2007.  PERFECTION.

9. YOUR LIFE & MINE- JUST SURRENDER:  THIS SONG DESERVES ALL CAPS BECAUSE THIS SONG HOLDS MORE EMOTION THAN ANY SONG.  IT'S A DUMB SONG, BUT AT THE AGE OF 15 I WAS OBSESSED WITH IT.  Okay I'll stop with the caps.  Sitting on the bleachers at the practice stadium of Mansfield by myself and indulging in self pity.  Then coming home and Shelby and I wrapped ourselves up in bubble wrap and rolled around in it until all of it was popped!  January of 2008.  Holy wow!

10. Something Beautiful- Needtobreathe:  November of my freshman year of college.  Screaming this song out the window with Shannon as we were turning the corner on Indiana and 19th.

I could go on forever and ever, but like I said this was more for me than anything.  I love music y'all.  LOVE MUSIC!  Now to get those note cards started… :)

brumous.

Brumous (adj.): of grey skies and winter days; filled with heavy clouds or fog; relating to winter or cold, sunless weather

I LOVE THIS WORD.  I discovered it a few weeks ago and decided that it would probably be a good ten months before I could pull this one out of my pocket of intelligent sounding words, but today is the exact definition of brumous so I've been using it left and right.    

We are all aware that I love cold weather.  I love it so much that sometime I purposely don't wear a jacket just so I can embrace the sting of the piercing wind on my skin.  I'm not sure I have an answer for why I love the cold so much I just always have.  Maybe because the cold makes me feel vulnerable, in the sense that I need something other than myself to make me warm.  I cannot rely on my skin and bones or my heart or my knowledge or anything else that makes me who I am to make me warm.  I must resort to heavy jackets, longs socks, boots, apple cider, a fire or another person to keep the blood pumping to my heart.  Vulnerability is the state of being exposed and when I am walking from one side of campus to the other in 30 degree weather I feel completely exposed to the world; it can physically do anything to me it wants and I will allow it.  I cannot always rely on just myself to meet my needs.  Cold weather reminds me of that.

I like fog because it gives me an excuse to use my imagination.  There is not a Walmart behind that cloud, it is a forest of trees and beyond those trees are ice caped mountains.  During the summer of 2007 my family went on a European vacation and one of our many stops was to Edinburgh, Scotland.  We went on a tour of Edinburgh Castle and on this particular July afternoon the whole city was covered in a thick fog, so when I looked over the side of the castle I could not see all of the commercialism.  My dad can take credit for making me view the castle in a way that many other people couldn't.  He told me to imagine the city below us as it was when the castle was built in BC.  I loved putting my imagination to the test and because of it that was one of the most special experiences on that trip.  Today as I was driving I could only see 40 feet in front of me, so I reminded myself of that day in Scotland and decided that today I was going to use my imagination in the same way.  Right now I am looking out the window of my third floor apartment and I can see the houses and cars, but beyond that I am imagining a lake that is so close to being frozen, but because of the warm week we had it is not.  Surrounding the lake are massive pine trees and tall hills.  

As much as I love the winter, the world is dead.  Lucky for us in a few weeks it will be brought back to life with warm days and lots of colors.  Today is dark and gloomy, but we have bright and beautiful to look forward to.  It is guaranteed that there are better more beautiful things a few weeks away.  I will celebrate the fact that there is as much hope for my life as there is for this brumous day!  

This morning I woke up to a little bit of that colorful hope.  I am in love with this bouquet of flowers.  IN LOVE. 

 Lubbock's brumous' day.  Can you see the lake and pine trees? :) 

Seek the beauty.

“Young writers should read books past bedtime and write things down when they are supposed to be doing something else.” 

I should definitely still be studying, but then this quote came to mind and I figured what would jotting a few thoughts down hurt? 

I am writing via McKenzie Park this afternoon.  My sweet roommate decided that going to the park would be the only appropriate thing to do with her afternoon considering it's a glorious 65 degrees outside, so I decided she was right and that I would tag along.  As we were leaving our apartment it looked like the two of us were headed off to a camping trip: backpacks, fold out chair, hammock, nalgene, strawberries and popcorn. 

Lubbock is not pretty guys, like not even a little bit.  Maybe when it snows it’s pretty and in the fall when you’re surrounded by a few of the ten trees this city has it shines a little, but not much.  As I was sitting here studying I looked up to admire the pretty pond in front of me and I thought, “Man this is gorgeous!”  In that moment there was nothing sweeter than this view…

To you it looks like a blue sky, a small pond, a few trees and a there is an ugly grey truck in the background that completely throws the picture off.  But what you don’t see is the completely content feeling in my heart.  What you don’t see is my best friend hanging in a hammock behind me reading a book.  What you don’t see is the constant, light breeze that is gently blowing my hair in front of my eyes.  What you don’t see is that about every three minutes that cool breeze turns into a warm breeze that has my heart beating at all different speeds. 

I believe that the Lord has given me a heart that always strives to seek out the beauty.  Sometimes seeking out the beauty in things leaves me disappointed, but I would rather have the heart I have than a heart that sits here and sees only the brown grass, that hears only the loud ducks and smells only the light stench.  Today is a gift and even though our society is teaching us to view life with an ugly lens I will not conform. 

I will seek the beauty.    

Just reading through my rhetoric book & they're talking about Jesus for like 3 whole pages!  

Popcorn in a zip lock bag, for the win!

Hannah's new patty backpack that she loves!  

yes more and no less!

Once upon a time I declared January 20th, or so, as national ditch your New Years resolution day.  There is something about working really hard at something for 20 days and feeling like that was the best you could do, so you get over it and move onto the next thing.  Lucky for me, in the world of Heather, I'm always coming up with something else I would like to get done during the year.  Maybe that's not SUCH a bad problem to have.

So this past weekend I came up with a NEW new years resolution: say yes more and no less!  I recently talked about fun lacking in my life, so how I plan on solving that is through saying yes to fun opportunities more than saying no to them.  You know where this new little phrase got me this past weekend? KANSAS CITY, MO.  That's right people, I said yes to driving 21 hours (1200 miles) in 3 days and boy was it so worth it.

Myself and 3 of the most entertaining girls drove FOREVER to visit our sweet friend Haley in KCMO! Cold weather, Thrift Shop, Christ centered conversations, Thrift Shop, dancing, Thrift Shop, Vampire Diaries, Thrift Shop, food, Thrift Shop, Silver Linings Playbook, Thrift Shop, lots of laughs, Thrift Shop, Patriots game and even more Thrift Shop filled 2 complete days of awesome.

Don't cheat yourself out of living a fun life.  Say yes more and no less!
 
I had so much more I wanted to say, but for some reason my creative juices start running at late hours and I also just wrote a 3 and half page paper and I'm afraid if I go on much longer I'll end up going on a tangent about feminism and gender equality and nobody wants to hear that, so…

I took all of 15 pictures this weekend and I am kicking myself for it, but here is one of me and my darling Caroline!  I love this girls heart.  

Cheers to adventure and love and life and beauty and music and friends and everything else that is making this heart of mine beat a million miles an hour this evening :) 

Cliches.

I hate cliches, because once something becomes a cliche the beauty that the phrase or action holds looses all its special points.  It becomes another face in a crowd of people and that's just a tragedy. 

Tonight has been somewhat of a somber evening; lots of not moving, staring at the celling, thinking and MAYBE a few tears.  Not so sure where they came from but somewhere between admiring Anne Hathaway's elegance and yelling at the TV when Zooey D didn't win her award I got a little mopey.  I truly don't understand how my mind works, like at all, it makes ZERO sense, then when emotions get involved there's a whole lot of pep talking myself out of my funk, trying to figure out why I'm even in a funk, then I pick myself up and decide that I'm probably one of the more pathetic people I know.  Girls you can relate, right?  I mean if I really am alone on this then I guess that's fine too…

One of the few things I pondered while staring at my celling was the way I've been living a not so joyful life recently.  I'm not so sure I like the way things are right now; I don't have as much fun as I think I should, I worry way too much, I over analyze, dwell on things that are just not important at all and who's got time for all this ugly to take up room in an unbelievably beautiful life?  I did; I made time and space for the ugly and that's a bigger tragedy than perfectly perfect words getting lost in a sea of other perfectly perfect words.  So while I played catch-the-propeller-on-my-fan-with-my-eyes I got really mad at myself for allowing so much negativity into my fairly positive mind, and in that moment I heard the Lord whisper a cliche in my ear: 

"Do the things you love and surround yourself with the people who TRULY treasure you."  

My New Years resolution was to set aside time to specifically pray for what the Lord wants me to do with my life.  I will be graduating in a year and a half and all I know is that I want to live in the mountains of Colorado.  I've been stressed and annoyed with myself because my dream is Colorado, it isn't to be a doctor or a lawyer or a teacher or a veterinarian!  However I need to have a career and I do dream of being successful but living in the mountains isn't going to make me money, so then we're back at square one; pleading with the Lord, telling Him that He needs to give me SOMETHING to work with.  

"Do the things you love and surround yourself with the people who TRULY treasure you."

We've all been told to do these things, but tonight these perfectly perfect words found a cozy place in my soul and I'm gonna let them stay a while.  I will not let this phrase lose it's special points!  

So what does this even REALLY mean?  That was the next trail my mind decided to wonder down. 

I'm ridiculously passionate about a lot of different things: people, writing, the Lord, art (in all it's forms), theories, photography, dogs and… and… and… 

I also have a list of people who love me so much and care deeply about me.  These are people who have such a deep respect for me and genuinely care about my heart.  

Whoop there it is, that's what I'm going to do until the Lord whispers another cliche in my ear: I'm going to do the things I love and I'm going to surround myself with the people who TRULY treasure me.  

Oh and I also just spent the most amazing month at home with my family and those are 4 people that I know treasure me and love me unconditionally, these are 2 of them.  Only the most precious brother and sister a girl could have.