Dear Jenny.

From December 13, 2004 until August 7, 2008 I wrote every single night before going to bed, without fail. If I missed a day then I would make sure to go back and write for it. I have eight spirals and one and a half journals filled with my secrets, my daily activities, my crushes names, my struggles, my joys and my hopes.  The reason I started writing was because on December 13, 2004 my mom shared an entry out of one of her many "diaries." Her diaries name was Jenny. She would address each of her entries with "Dear Jenny." As a seventh grader I was so inspired by the fact that my mom started writing in a journal when she was around the age of ten or eleven and still continued to write as an adult of three kids. So there I was for four years writing down my every move. Those first few spirals are filled with drawings of Christmas trees, my friends phone numbers, me talking to myself and love notes that never got sent. As time went on the handwriting got a little better, the entries got deeper, the pictures were scarce and my grammar improved. I started writing again recently and I’m not making myself write everyday, just when I feel like I have something to say. I am so glad I wrote because it gives me the chance to look back on how much I’ve grown, how much I’ve been through and how often I thought my life was over as a dramatic teenager.

Going back and reading those entries gives me a sense of accomplishment. They are a testimony of how much I’ve grown in myself. I find my happiness within myself rather than other people. The things that used to define me are things that no longer pass through my mind. I talk more about my friends and their hearts rather than my own petty problems. I know I’m just nineteen years old, but I feel like I’ve already grown more than I ever could. I know that’s not true by any means, but I feel so accomplished. I’m very proud of how far I have come and it took reading through a few beat up spirals to remind myself that life is a never ending process of learning from the past and looking forward to the future, but making sure to live in the present. 

  

i am capable and everything is achievable.

i am capable and everything is achievable.

i can do anything i want to do, i will not allow anyone to put limits on me. i maybe just be one person but so is oprah winfrey, bill gates, kobe bryant, barrack obama, bono and justin bieber; so was mother theresa, martin luther king, rosa parks michael jackson and helen keller. these are all people who either grew up in poverty, faced discrimination, beat the odds, or all three. these people have inspired you and me- whether it's the inspiration to pick up a basketball or a microphone, stand up for what you believe in or sit down for what you believe in- these people have left a foot print on this earth and in our hearts for all the reasons we have allowed them to. i'm not sure what it is that i'm being called to do, but i know i can't be selfish or prideful. i must humble myself before all people. what good am i if i put anyone below me? in order to accomplish something great i must work hard, limit my distractions, place it in the hands of the lord and put myself last.

but, i can't limit myself. all too often i find myself thinking "i can't." "too much effort." "to hard to accomplish." "i'm not good enough or smart enough to make the change happen." i have to believe in my dreams, then believe that i can accomplish them. i maybe standing alone with everyone telling me i'm crazy, but as long as i believe in myself and have god on my side i have nothing to fear. i have yet to decide on a major because although i do have ideas and dreams i think i maybe afraid of being shot down. i'm afraid of reality setting in. but, no! i'm in control of "setting my reality." my reality can be owning a record label and signing artist, my reality can be living in africa, my reality can be opening a studio where i show my photos, my reality can be attending a book signing for my world famous novel. none of these can become my reality if i'm too afraid of being shot down.

i have such a desire for the people of this world, every single one of them. i want to inspire them like so many of the people listed above have inspired me. i want to tell the people of the world how capable they are and that they can achieve anything. i want them to listen to the music i produce and feel something they can only feel through the strumming of a guitar a few softly sung words. i want them to know that loving on the people in third world countries can set a fire in their heart that can change the world. i want them to look at my photos and feel like they are right there and that it is possible for their most treasured moments to be captured and can hang on the walls of their hearts forever. i want my words, my thoughts, my hearts desires to awaken the souls that are dry and tired. i must share my dreams with the world, because what good are they if i keep them bottled inside my heart? i am being selfish by keeping my potential to myself, potential that can inspire the world; change the world.

new mexico skies.

CHOP. 

pup. 

vines. 

beautiful blind horse. 

brick wall. 

it's so true. 

dye. 

write. 

god is love and so are we.  

everyday is a mission trip. 

let music fill your heart. 

i am capable and everything is achievable.