From December 13, 2004 until August 7, 2008 I wrote every single night before going to bed, without fail. If I missed a day then I would make sure to go back and write for it. I have eight spirals and one and a half journals filled with my secrets, my daily activities, my crushes names, my struggles, my joys and my hopes. The reason I started writing was because on December 13, 2004 my mom shared an entry out of one of her many "diaries." Her diaries name was Jenny. She would address each of her entries with "Dear Jenny." As a seventh grader I was so inspired by the fact that my mom started writing in a journal when she was around the age of ten or eleven and still continued to write as an adult of three kids. So there I was for four years writing down my every move. Those first few spirals are filled with drawings of Christmas trees, my friends phone numbers, me talking to myself and love notes that never got sent. As time went on the handwriting got a little better, the entries got deeper, the pictures were scarce and my grammar improved. I started writing again recently and I’m not making myself write everyday, just when I feel like I have something to say. I am so glad I wrote because it gives me the chance to look back on how much I’ve grown, how much I’ve been through and how often I thought my life was over as a dramatic teenager.
Going back and reading those entries gives me a sense of accomplishment. They are a testimony of how much I’ve grown in myself. I find my happiness within myself rather than other people. The things that used to define me are things that no longer pass through my mind. I talk more about my friends and their hearts rather than my own petty problems. I know I’m just nineteen years old, but I feel like I’ve already grown more than I ever could. I know that’s not true by any means, but I feel so accomplished. I’m very proud of how far I have come and it took reading through a few beat up spirals to remind myself that life is a never ending process of learning from the past and looking forward to the future, but making sure to live in the present.
