Dear Andrew,

“We’ll feel so alive. Throw it away, forget yesterday, we’ll make the great escape, we won’t hear a word they say, they don’t know us anyway. Watch it burn, let it die because we are finally free tonight.”
-Boys like Girls.

You have had a very special and sacred place in my heart, not by choice, for the past 5 years.  That fragile piece of my heart is achy and I don’t think about it much.  I push it to the back and only show it light when I hear songs like Great Escape or drive by the old Walnut Ridge Church.  Those things, along with several others, remind me of a very young and beautiful Andrew.  They take me back to a time of innocence and hot, sticky weather.  They take me back to sweaty palms and smirks.  I hide that piece of my heart for several reasons.  Reasons of hurt, reasons of joy, reasons of innocence and reasons that make me long to go back to that time.  We were allowed to be a bunch of kids who did stupid stuff, I miss that.  It also makes me sad because it reminds me of a time when I would cling to every kind word you said. That piece of my heart has, and always will, miss your inspirational spirit.  And well, there are other reasons I keep that piece of my heart "in the back."

In all honesty I have you to thank for being the girl that I am.  That is so cliché and I hate that, but it is true.  You were a very big part of my life for a very long time and nothing in the whole world will take those times away from both my mind and my heart.  They are engraved in me and on me.  When I say that I am the way I am because of you I mean that you molded my heart in a way that will only change with lots and lots of prayer and time.  I have a lot of walls, a lot of preconceived notions, a lot of fear, a lot of hope, a lot of expectations and a lot to look forward to thanks to the time we spent together.  I was never good at speaking my heart to you, so you may be shocked at how much I really did care for you and about you.

You know I really did have a lot of hope in you.  By hope I mean I saw straight into your heart. I saw a man who had an influence on everyone. You were a true leader.  You were a dreamer and I admired that about you.  You captivated people, you drew them in with your big heart. I believed in you.  I tried to be someone who encouraged and supported you but I don’t think I did a very good job.  I disappeared from your life.  I moved on and got over the games.  You would cross my mind and I would smile but I wouldn’t do anything about it.  I would allow myself to go back to a time of beauty and growth, but I would leave you there.  I wouldn’t allow you in my “now” life.  I am sorry for that.
 
As I sit here & listen to the Boys like Girls album I think about only good things, here are a few. Just a few…

 Remember that time you and Jared climbed a ladder to the second story of my house so you could write on my window? Well chips of that yellow paint remain; I’ll make sure that they’re there forever.  Remember when you and Trantham threw rocks at my window then recited Romeo & Juliet?  You were a sweetheart.  Remember when you, me, Shelby & Timmy took four chairs to that creepy cemetery and hung out?  I loved everything about that night.  Remember when you and Ashley didn’t have a cell phone so you would fight over the house phone?  Those were some funny conversations.  Remember that time when we would message on myspace?  That was so ninth grade.  Remember that time when I called you for the very first time?  It was Easter of 2007, I'll let you tease me for my insane memory later, but who would have ever thought that the sweet seventeen year old on the other end of the phone would have been sent home exactly 5 years later?  I remember we talked about fish sticks & milk.  

Thank you for having the heart that you did.  Sorry for not being there as much as I know I should have been.  You will always be first and nothing will ever change that.  I will love you forever Andrew.  Forever and ever and ever. Rest in peace sweet boy.


Heather Huante  


"Yoooooour voooooooooice was the soundtrack of my summer. Do you know you're unlike any other? You'll always be my thunder and I said, you're eyes are brightest of all colors. I don't wanna ever wanna love another, you'll always be my thunder"