#United2012 (my best friend is a superstar)

One of the down sides of graduating high school is that you will never have a REAL summer again.  When I say a real summer I mean that they will be filled with work, work, school and work and school again.  Lucky for me I can only speak for the work part (I will never have to take summer school, SCORE), but the days of sleeping until 3 and staying out crazy late are brought to a minimum.  I have had 2 REAL days of summer this year, it's almost August…  Along with getting my summer taken away I've been mourning the 'death' of mission trip and camp.  My two favorite weeks of the year, never to happen again.  When I say mourning, I mean tears and lots of laying face down on the floor.

Lucky for me, this year my church decided to do a community mission trip.  They worked within our county, rather than traveling to a different state.  Such a fantastic thought.  Of course, I was working so I couldn't help out as much as I would have liked to, but I got to attend worship and the message all week which was a sweet sweet treat for many reason.  

Reason number 1:  I love my church so so so so much, any time I get to spend with those people is a special time. 

Reason number 2: Time travel.  Sitting in that pew listening to Johnny Brower, the great, speak truth, brought me right back to those precious times of Breakaway and mission trips before.  If someone were to walk up to me and tell me I was a Sophomore in high school, I would have believed them.   

Reason number 3:  Seeing my brother worship and lead in prayer.  Swoon.

My favorite reason:  Watching my very best friend lead worship every night.  She was leading in songs we had been singing along to for years.  She was the one on stage and it was so pure and clean and beautiful- so Shelby.  It was just the most special to hear her sing Come Change Our Hearts- Josh Tullis.  One of Shelby and I's favorite songs is Weightless by Natasha Bedingfield, these are some of the lyrics, "Surround yourself with friends who only call you a Superstar."  Well Shelby, I'm not just saying it anymore, you really are a SUPERSTAR.  

Traffic, family & murder in KY.

This is how each family member feels about traffic… 

Hitting traffic on a 12 hour car ride is as inevitable as finding a comfortable sleeping position on a 12 hour car ride.  Our steady 0 mph speed resulted in watching ridiculous youtube videos & taking some pretty funny photos of double chins & goggly eyes. We would also take turns blurting out "shake your butt baby! WORK IT SMOOCHIE!!" and boy oh boy did my father find it hilarious.  If you don't know what youtube video I am referring to, you have lost my respect.  

Normally family reunions are awkward because all of these people know you & you would really rather hide in a corner than talk about yourself or hear about 'funny' stories that took place 20 years before you were born.  When I say 'normally'  I mean that is how I felt about family reunions when I was too young to understand the importance these people had in my grandparents, aunts', uncles' and mom's life, back when I had no interest in any of these people or any of their stories.  However, somewhere between a 3 hour breakfast and watching my Papa break down into a puddle of tears while watching a beautifully put together video of the Frederick family through the years, it was more than just being there because I knew I needed to see these people and spend time with them.  These were the people that my mother was surrounded with growing up, the people that knew her the best as a child, teenager, young adult and now mother of 3 grown children.  That is special.  Plus having my awesome cousins & RIDICULOUS uncle Mark cracking jokes the whole time made for a good ab workout!  Did I mention how bummed I am that I didn't get the pretty Frederick glass blue eye gene?  

Hillbilly Heaven y'all.  If I were a serial killer this is where I would go to have fun. I was convinced we were going to get murdered in this cabin.  Hillbilly Heaven was going to be my resting place & there was nothing I could do about it.  It took 3 gravel roads and an uphill battle (Suburban vs. hill) to reach our cabin. The beautiful cabin overlooked a private lake and was surrounded by unbelievably green Kentucky trees.  After plotting out how we would escape if someone came for us we enjoyed lots of hiking, zip-linning, star gazing, games of CLUE, fishing, story telling and laughing.  The cabin was inspirational & truly indescribable.  The bugs I could have done without, but everything from the sky, grass, trees, clouds & smell was so alive & fresh.  

That was our little adventure to Kentucky! We also stopped off at Mammoth Cave & that was a whole experience in itself.  I slept in 4 different beds last week, after that NOTHING beats coming home & resting my head on my own pillow! 

My best friends wedding.

Now that I am 20 years old I have wisdom & I carry knowledge & sophistication (pshhh).  Along with that wisdom, knowledge & sophistication came my first 'tear jerking I'm-really-proud-of-you moment.' I always laughed at the mom's on Dance Mom's when they would cry after their daughter did an incredible job on stage (who am I kidding, I laugh through the whole show).  But really, you've seen your daughter dance hundreds of times, what's so different about this time?  Proud tears I guess.

Well no, not 'I guess' I now know and understand the emotion of being so proud of someone that salty water wells up in my eyes.  So my freshman year of college I met this really cool girl named Leah.  She was way too pretty & sweet & every boy in the world wanted to date her.  Well this really cool girl named Leah decided that I was pretty cool too so we became best friends.  I got Leah all to myself for about 2-3 months before I had to start sharing her with my friend Brandon.  Lucky for him, I approved.  I more than approved, I got the privilege of being more than just Leah's best friend to Brandon, we built a friendship and it became something I treasured.  I tagged along often, we were 3 pees in a pod.  You know I was there when he asked her out on their first date?  Awkward for me.  I also got to be there when Brandon got down on one knee, in front of a completely empty terminal, to ask sweet Leah to be his bride forever.  

I don't know anything about marriage, because there is no way in heck I am getting married in the next 10 years so my mind is not even in that place but I did catch onto a few things, I mean I was living with a bride-to-be.  Leah was preparing to be a wife & Brandon was preparing to be a husband, that is all I knew & I had to understand that.  

Anyway, onto the good stuff.  I was standing up on the stage in $20 payless shoes & in a really pretty plum dress, Brandon was standing at the alter in his tux & pretty white shoes, You're Beautiful by Phil Wickham was playing & in walked the most beautiful bride I have ever seen.  She was head to toe in a beautiful lace dress, I look over at Brandon & watch one of those 'I'm-going-to-take-over-your-face smiles' do exactly that, take over his face.  Flash backs of redbox runs, family dinners, signs, retreats, Sunday mornings, bathroom talks, cry-fests, scrubs & late night drives to McDonald's started to flood  my mind & my heart, I was overcome & that's when those proud tears began to stream down my face.  I got to watch this relationship unfold from day one & here I was watching it begin all over again.  

I'm really blessed to have these two beautiful people in my life.  You two are young, but your faith is strong & that is what's going to lead you.  I believe in both of you individually & as a couple.  Being able to watch two of my favorite people become one, was such a rewarding experience.  Love you both so much!! 

 Grocery shopping like big kids.

 Brandon & I decided that from this night forward we would be brother & sister.

 Youth Camp with FUMC Carrollton 

 Wesley Spring Retreat.  We hiked in TOMS, cheer shoes & converse. Oh & we almost DIED climbing this rock. 

 We MET each other on this night.  Looks like we've known each other forever, huh? :) 

 The night they got engaged!

Before she became Mrs. Brandon Clark.

Children.

Applying for jobs is a complete drag.  After struggling to find employment last summer I told myself I would stay ahead of the game this time around.  I applied for several nannying jobs, let every person I know that I was home for the summer and that I was able to house sit/ dog sit/ babysit/etc... All that integrity landed me not one, not two, not three but SEVERAL jobs.  Thank you Jesus.

Let me give you the low down on this week:  I have babysat for 2 different families, nannied these 2 precious girls that I get to work with ALL summer, house sat, taken care of 2 different families pets, photo sessions & worked at my church in the nursery.  I'm probably missing something, but anyway... this has been a very busy week and the following will be just as crazy.

I feel like I could be in a movie; shuttling kids around, waking up at dawn to feed dogs, playing barbies and picking play-dough out of my nails.  I am a certified housewife.  Not really, but I mean...

So, I love kids.  Love, love, love.  I love them enough to spend my summer coloring, blowing bubbles, changing diapers, watching ridiculous TV shows and painting wiggly toes and fingers.  You know what else is fun?  Partaking in their imagination:  Today I was able to pull a story out of my butt about a crocodile named Lucy who snuck onto a boat with her penguin friend named Penelope.  I went on and on for 10 minutes, the 2 & 4 year old were appalled & frankly, so was I.  I knew I had an imagination, but really?

So my point... The reason I love kids so much is because of their innocence!  Once the story about Lucy & Penelope was over they continued to ask questions, "well after they arrived in Australia were they able to escape the big black spider?" (Lucy & Penelope had to hide from the big black spider "Blacky" while on board the 'Barton').  These two kids were so invested in the well-being of Lucy & Penelope that they were asking me to continue the story as I was walking out the door.  I envy their innocence and the beauty that holds.

(Imagine this being said in a high pitched tone) "Oh hi mommy, come with me.  I think I am going to make you some dinner" Remember when you would pretend to talk like a baby with a doll and your voice would raise several octaves?  I'm officially THAT girl.  Today I was the baby pony and I was supposed to follow the mom around and do everything she was told.  Of course I had the 4 year old telling me (the baby horse) what to say every other sentence and whenever I tried to add in my own dialogue the four year old would get upset and tell me, "That's not what the baby pony says, she says this..."

Oh and another thing... Yesterday the four year old was able to entertain herself with a purple bracelet for 25 minutes. WHAT?  She used her imagination, turing the bracelet into a hula hoop for her fingers, she pretended it was a flying saucer, then a sun, then a frisbee... She went on and on and on.  I was so impressed by how many different things this bracelet could be turned into.

With all this being said, I am going to try and take on the mindset of a four year old more often.  I am going to blow bubbles because they are pretty, I am going to use blocks to build a castle and I am going to pretend I am buying the oversized dollhouse so the four year old can check me out at the store.  Children are so much fun and I've really enjoyed taking on their perspective this week!

Mansfield, Texas.

Might I recommend you listen to the song 'It's Time' by Imagine Dragons while you read this. It fits this post plus it's a fantastic song :) 

"There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered."

The first time I read this quote my heart strings tugged.  Seeing my hearts exact thoughts written out in someone else's perfect words, is one of the beautiful wonders in life.  I thought of two very special places after taking in the beauty of this quote; Glen Lake & my hometown.  

Glen Lake is Heaven on Earth and I cannot wait to visit Turner Steps in August.  I have been without this beautiful place for almost 2 years and the younger version of myself cries for its smell, its touch and the Truth it holds.  Although I do love Glen Lake, this post is not about the church camp where I grew up.  I want to write about Mansfield, Texas. 

Population: 60,000. 

4 (almost 5) High Schools

2 highways

All the good fast food places

25 minutes from Fort Worth

45 minutes from Dallas

Family

Best friends

TVO

Beautiful skies

Empty fields

Pretty back roads

Lots of heat

Potholes

Memories

Lessons learned

HOME

This quote fits this wonderful place I have called home for the past 8 years perfectly.  I am now half way done with college. WHAT? Coming home is a bit of a struggle when you live 5 hours away, 8 months out of the year, but it is always worth it once I get here.  I never though I would be able to sit down with enough to write about this place, yet here I am.  

I was sick of this stupid town, I really hated it this time 2 years ago.  I wanted out.  I was sick of the people in my classes, I was sick of the mundanity of it all, I was sick of driving on the same roads everyday, I was sick of the food, I was sick of the memories.  I needed something new to conquer, I needed a new adventure.  College is what I needed. 

I didn't realize until this April, but Mansfield, Texas holds a very deep and special place in my heart.  I can come home and although I have grown and changed since High School, this city will always remain the same.  Yes, new schools will be built, new restaurants and shops will pop up, Walmart may become more crowded, the walls in my room my be bare and I may feel like I have outgrown this town, but nothing will ever change the way Broad Street looks, feels and smells at 1 in the morning.  The Texas town is asleep, the roads are almost completely empty, but the street lights and the sprinklers are awake and busy doing their job.  With the windows rolled down and the music up loud, nothing can beat swerving around the potholes going a steady 48 mph around the corner behind Willie Brown.  Has anyone else noticed how pretty 287 looks at about 8:20 at night during the Summer?  The trees and the grass join in song with the glistening sun that bounces so perfectly off of the hot tar covering the highway's cracks & crevices.  Driving over the bridge on Main, past Town Park is also unbelievably perfect at this time of night as well.  A 9 AM bike ride with friends is always a joy, the humidity is almost unbearable until the coolness of the canopy above us replaces the suns booming rays.  The leaves are covered in dew and our usual trail hasn't been cleared of rocks and sticks so as we ride along we are joined by the snapping of twigs and squealing of brakes.  The empty fields with hay bails on almost every corner give Mansfield character and really they are just very pretty and I enjoy looking at them.  

I could go on and on about the things that are special to me about my hometown.  These are the things that will never change.  Every restaurant, park & street in this town holds a memory and those aren't going anywhere.  Growth is change and I have done a whole lot of growing since moving away to college.  As I continue to grow, change and alter I know that I can always look forward to coming back to this place knowing that the things I love most about it will always be here.  

Taken off of Turner Warnell at about 8:00 this evening. 

So pretty! 

Happy 20th to me, from under a tree.

The chance that I spent my evening sitting under a tree at the park writing this blog is very high, and yes; it is my 20^th birthday.  I was leaving a friends house planning on killing time at the local coffee shop when I drove past a beautiful park, so I decided to find a pretty tree and well here I am. 

The wind is light and the air is soft.  It’s April and the season of spring is in full effect. 

I enjoy going on adventures and I enjoy life most during moments like these; moments of spontaneous impulse, moments that allow me to be by myself and reflect.  Writing and being alone are my two favorite hobbies; I’m in my element right now. 

God is always good.  He planted the tree that I’m sitting under for this exact moment.  Before I was thought into existence, He knew that on my 20^th birthday I would need to be by myself, so He planted it and made this moment perfect.    

With all that being said, here are a few things that have been taking over my mind and my heart for the past few weeks:

I am a loner and that is okay.  The Lord set me apart and along with that he wrote out a specific list of things that would romance my heart, being alone is one of them.  I dream about the day I get to have my own little house with shudders.  It will be my two dogs and me.  I will drink wine and go to bed early.  It’ll be fantastic.  

Don’t give up on the people you care about!  Believe in them and let them know you believe in them.  Don’t keep things unsaid. 

I am really good at dwelling on things in the past.  Sometimes I think that I’ve already lived the best years of my life, sad, right?  My life has been so wonderfully blessed and maybe that is why I think that eventually my life has to start going downhill.  I know in my heart that the Lord will take care of me, but in my head it’s a different story. 

We live in a lost world and people are so desperate for the hope I have.  Why am I so scared to share the Truth?  Ghandi once said that if the God that Christians serve was real, then he would crawl over hot coals to tell his brother, he would not let anything stand in his way of sharing that Love.  

Natasha Bedingfield has the most beautiful voice I have ever heard.    

The Lord is placing things in order NOW that will not happen until way later.  My life is His symphony and loves being the conductor. 

The Lord will bless my work.  I like to ask Him to give me input on every minor detail of my life; I forget that He gives us choices.  If I am unsure, all I have to do is ask for Him to work through my choices.  His will is going to be done, no matter what. I am not big enough to mess up His plan.

Life is short.  In Ecclesiastes it talks about the ‘few days of our lives.’  Compared to eternity we are on this Earth for no longer than it takes to blink or take in a deep breath.  I am so caught up in things that are meaningless.  When I am on my death bed I am going to be more upset about not spending more time with the Lord, than I am going to be about the grade I made on my research methods paper my Sophomore year of college. 

Friendships are priceless.  Nothing in my life means more to me than memories.  I cling to memories, hold onto memories, replay memories over and over and over again.  My favorite memories are with the people who have grown with me.  I have wonderful, unique, beautifully blessed friendships with many sweet friends.  The Lord knew what He was doing when He placed the people in my life that He did over the course of the last 9 years.  I owe who I am to my friends.   

One day, I will be special to someone.  

Birthdays are fun, but I don’t like getting older.  I always said that I wanted to be 16 forever and I still stand to that but life must go on.  The world stops for no one, all we can do is keep on keeping on and pray that the path you're on is the right one.  The one filled with storms and trials, but also filled with love and hope. 

Okay, a crazy game of tag has started among a bunch of high school kids here at the park. Thanks for listening to me rant about a bunch of things that don't make sense. 

Happy 20th to me, from under a tree. 

Dear Andrew,

“We’ll feel so alive. Throw it away, forget yesterday, we’ll make the great escape, we won’t hear a word they say, they don’t know us anyway. Watch it burn, let it die because we are finally free tonight.”
-Boys like Girls.

You have had a very special and sacred place in my heart, not by choice, for the past 5 years.  That fragile piece of my heart is achy and I don’t think about it much.  I push it to the back and only show it light when I hear songs like Great Escape or drive by the old Walnut Ridge Church.  Those things, along with several others, remind me of a very young and beautiful Andrew.  They take me back to a time of innocence and hot, sticky weather.  They take me back to sweaty palms and smirks.  I hide that piece of my heart for several reasons.  Reasons of hurt, reasons of joy, reasons of innocence and reasons that make me long to go back to that time.  We were allowed to be a bunch of kids who did stupid stuff, I miss that.  It also makes me sad because it reminds me of a time when I would cling to every kind word you said. That piece of my heart has, and always will, miss your inspirational spirit.  And well, there are other reasons I keep that piece of my heart "in the back."

In all honesty I have you to thank for being the girl that I am.  That is so cliché and I hate that, but it is true.  You were a very big part of my life for a very long time and nothing in the whole world will take those times away from both my mind and my heart.  They are engraved in me and on me.  When I say that I am the way I am because of you I mean that you molded my heart in a way that will only change with lots and lots of prayer and time.  I have a lot of walls, a lot of preconceived notions, a lot of fear, a lot of hope, a lot of expectations and a lot to look forward to thanks to the time we spent together.  I was never good at speaking my heart to you, so you may be shocked at how much I really did care for you and about you.

You know I really did have a lot of hope in you.  By hope I mean I saw straight into your heart. I saw a man who had an influence on everyone. You were a true leader.  You were a dreamer and I admired that about you.  You captivated people, you drew them in with your big heart. I believed in you.  I tried to be someone who encouraged and supported you but I don’t think I did a very good job.  I disappeared from your life.  I moved on and got over the games.  You would cross my mind and I would smile but I wouldn’t do anything about it.  I would allow myself to go back to a time of beauty and growth, but I would leave you there.  I wouldn’t allow you in my “now” life.  I am sorry for that.
 
As I sit here & listen to the Boys like Girls album I think about only good things, here are a few. Just a few…

 Remember that time you and Jared climbed a ladder to the second story of my house so you could write on my window? Well chips of that yellow paint remain; I’ll make sure that they’re there forever.  Remember when you and Trantham threw rocks at my window then recited Romeo & Juliet?  You were a sweetheart.  Remember when you, me, Shelby & Timmy took four chairs to that creepy cemetery and hung out?  I loved everything about that night.  Remember when you and Ashley didn’t have a cell phone so you would fight over the house phone?  Those were some funny conversations.  Remember that time when we would message on myspace?  That was so ninth grade.  Remember that time when I called you for the very first time?  It was Easter of 2007, I'll let you tease me for my insane memory later, but who would have ever thought that the sweet seventeen year old on the other end of the phone would have been sent home exactly 5 years later?  I remember we talked about fish sticks & milk.  

Thank you for having the heart that you did.  Sorry for not being there as much as I know I should have been.  You will always be first and nothing will ever change that.  I will love you forever Andrew.  Forever and ever and ever. Rest in peace sweet boy.


Heather Huante  


"Yoooooour voooooooooice was the soundtrack of my summer. Do you know you're unlike any other? You'll always be my thunder and I said, you're eyes are brightest of all colors. I don't wanna ever wanna love another, you'll always be my thunder"